Today...I'm Taking my Life Back!



Picture of me from The Spectrum
Snow Canyon XC Invite 2011



On my run today, I jogged over to Cedar High School and ran a little part of the Cross Country course I used to race on there.  I tried doing a littlte kick on the last 300, just like in the race, and it just about killed me.  I knew that I wasn't even going that fast, but I got so tired and dizzy that I had to lay down on the grass for a few minutes.  My back was killing me so I popped it and then walked around for a minute trying to gather my energy.  I slowly ran back to my apartment, but every step was filled with pure anger.
How did this happen?? Yes, I haven't been running as much as I probably could have, but I still shouldn't be getting dizzy running such a short distance at a much-slower-than-what-was-once-my-race-pace pace.  I am so incredibly tired of always feeling sick, dizzy, and tired!  I feel like I've gone soft in all the wrong ways--like I've lost my fire and determination.  I have felt like I should already be racing in the "Master's" bracket, like all my glory days are over and that it's time to just slow down and take it easy.  But, today made me realize that I don't want that.  I want running back in my life as more than just a way to stay in shape.  I want to love it again.  I want to push myself again.  I want to race again.  I want to feel strong again.
I decided that it is time to set some new goals, start a training plan, and get my running life back.  It's time to stop ignoring these health problems, and start facing them head on.  I decided to arrange a meeting with a dietician to figure out what more I can do to keep my blood sugar in check, begin doing the core work that will help my back, and to create a training plan that I will stick to at all costs.  I picked a race that takes place in February and signed up for it.  Until then, I am laying low, avoiding racing, and taking a few months to gain my strength back.  I know that I have to be patient, that I will have to start over from square one and slowly build myself back into shape.  I know that I will have to invest a little extra time and money into my diet to keep myself from getting dizzy or passing out.  I know that the problems I'm having are real and that I need to stop treating my health like a game.

The bottom line is, I love running way to much to let this sickness keep me from continuing to work and improve.  I can't just tell myself that I have health issues, so it's time to put my PR's behind me and just accept the success that I have had.  I am just about to reach my physical prime, and am way too young to let myself decline.  I can't get rid of any of these problems, but I can take care of myself and make the most of what I have. 
I have not seen my last PR. Here's to several more years of improving, and an entire lifetime of running!!!